too many yet too little

you know how sometimes, when you want to open your mouth to say something, yet you don't know how or why, you just can't do it. it is even worse when it happens to you and your family.

these few days i was in m'sia with my parents to clean my grandparents' and uncle's graves. we normally use this occasion to catch up with each other, lepak-lepak while my relatives will drive us around to savour the taste of delicious hawker foods while showing us the development of M'sia.

i hate this but i had not been feeling well for the past year that i went back. it's like a curse that i will fall sick once i reached m'sia. who to blame but myself for not taking good care before the trip?

but i don't know why, there seems to be this awkward sense around me and my paternal cousins while the others can mix around so well. perhaps i only get to see them once or maybe at most, twice a year. but after all, we're still cousins. we're suppose to be able to relate to each other. i guess the only cousin whom i can talk to is my 2nd uncle's son, even though our age difference is not the smallest.

i had this cousin whom even asked her mum,
"mummy, who's that black colour tee shirt guy?"

omg i think she didn't know i heard those words, but it really really sets me wondering: am i too distant away from them that they don't even know me?;

*sigh* hope everything will get better next year when i go back, if i have the opportunity.

oh and i had a very pissed moment before i came back to s'pore. the worst nightmare that looms over you is when you cannot go home. i almost had this nightmare. was supposed to board a 830pm bus back to s'pore with my parents, but the bus company, Damai Express suddenly said that the bus was spoiled. okay nvm we waited for the next available bus that they offered us, and wtf? there were repetitive seats number in the tickets. so those really unlucky one couldn't board the bus and had to settle for a real old and cranky one. moreover one bus company problem suddenly became 3 bus companies coming to settle it, which further proved that my dad's suspicious of them exchanging tickets among themselves to earn commission right.

this is not to the end of story. the bus driver smoked in the bus while driving, and i had the worst luck to sit right behind the resting driver. so he had his seat laid back all the way, giving me little leg room. and the bus was supposed to reach s'pore, but it never happen. we were en route to somewhere in johore and was told to take a bus to the custom then to s'pore. like seriously ridiculous.

oh well, better put these things behind me first. so much for being grouchy. tmr's bAoc first day, better turn in soon. freshies all coming! xiao mei mei here i come! xD