Gone.

Ah Gong passed away peacefully last Friday. He was a good father, a good grandfather, well-respected by his peers, relatives and friends. Even the person at the Ash Collection Center told us that he can see that Ah Gong was a person who did a lot of good deeds in his life through the ash in the urn.

There are so many things that I want to tell Ah Gong in person, so many things I want to do with him, so many things I hope he will be there to witness, but it's all not possible. But one thing I know, is that he is proud to be have all his close relatives with him by his bedside when he passed away.

It was truly an emotional roller-coaster ride, from the day he was first admitted to hospital, then discharged, and back again. The sudden call from my aunt that Ah Gong was knocked out in the toilet scared me. I accompanied him to hospital then, and thought that everything will be alright since he was still conscious and was warded to normal ward. Then the bad news came in the afternoon, where he suddenly fell to critical situation and was to have an operation. Since the op, he never woke up and was laid in ICU.

Seeing all the tubes and needles being inserted into him was really painful. Nobody expected him to be in such condition, and everyone was told to be prepared for the worst. I was scheduled to accompany him in the hospital at night since it's the holiday and I have a real OTOT job. Then the worst news came in the early morning on Friday. His BP and heartbeat fell to an all time low, and I quickly contact my aunts and family to rush over to see him for the last time, and to be by his bedside. Then he left away, peacefully in the morning. I guess he had it all planned, leaving the best for all his children, grandchildren and family members. I did not cry at all then, telling myself to be strong and to be able to send him off peacefully.

His funeral was a grand one, with all the relatives, friends, and neighbours coming to send him off. I never knew that I have a really large maternal family, with all the long distance ones dating back to China, and all the Lao Chek, Lao Gu, Shu Gong and their brothers, sisters, children etc.. Ah Gong has alway like large gathering, and I guess we fulfilled his last wishes. He was also very smart looking with the suit and tie.

But I succumb to tears on the final day of funeral with the praying. I guess the reality that he has already left us really made me cried. A flashback on the times I had with him since young, all the breakfast, lunch and dinner with him, I guess I'm not that emotionally strong enough. How he defended me when I was caned, how he bought back lot of gifts when he returned from China, how I enjoyed his half-boiled eggs and teochew porridge, how he alway ask me to eat more, how I massaged him, how I alway played around with his moles and shaver. How do you ask a guy not to tear at moment like this?

I couldn't help myself, looking at how my mum cried, my aunt cried and for the first time, my grandma cried. It was real heartbreaking. Then his final send off at the colaborium was the ultimate. All his children, relatives, friends neighbour were there when his body was burned. The pain inside me was, indescribable.

Now that he's gone to a peaceful place, I do hope he will be happy there. He is now able to find Lao Ma, and back to China where he alway wanted to be.

Ah Gong, your "dua zheang" will alway remember you as a good man, good grandfather with a heart of gold. May you rest in peace.