unfilial

cause we lost it all
nothing last forever
sorry i can't be
perfect


the playlist suddenly played this song, and a lot of emotions came rushing down my mind and heart. its like i'm having a real emotion roller coaster ride. call me an emo kid whatever, i don't care. yes i am an unfilial child. been only at home for alternate days, and on those days all along i have been either sleeping or lying on the couch watching tv; it looks more like a hotel than a home to me. to many of you, going home may be a warm, welcoming feeling, but its a torture to me to face the cold walls of my room, staring at the computer screen for god knows how long. just don't know why i suddenly turned back to the rebellious days which i used to have. seems like a leopard never changes its spots.
but you think i don't give a fucking care about this family? ask my friends who really know me well and they will say that i'm a family man. ask adrian, he's the one who's been sharing the joys and sorrow with me through this year. he's the only one who has the same frequency as me. screw the rules, to hell with people's perception of us; we are still going to be the family man, be it now or future. but some things just ain't going the way we wanted. it's human nature. it's natural for us to feel this way when facing with all these shits and nonsense. so don't blame me for my actions. take it a way as attracting your attention. you ain't reading this anyway.
and for all those who showed their care and concern, i thank you. don't worry about me, i will be strong. seldom do you see the ever happy-go-lucky me fall apart and being so down desperately. guess that's what Sagittarius people are.

no they don't understand us

remember those days
when we held so closely
but times seems to pull us apart
and now we're like strangers

look in a family
father and mother i love you
i have everything i wanted
but not the special one we call love

do they even seem to care?
how much pain we're taking
what hurts our fragile soul
no they don't understand us

now look mum and dad
time had changed and i have changed
i want freedom, but i need love the most
im breaking down from all the pain that i withstand

do they even seem to care?
how much pain we're taking
what hurts our fragile soul
no they don't understand us

im slitting my wrist
im screaming in pain
but can you even hear me
no you dun even seems to care

do they even seem to care?
how much pain we're taking
what hurts our fragile soul
no they don't understand us


feeling down lately, ain't really sure of the real reason. i guess it's partly because of family. what's the use of compromising so much when the faults always lie on me. it's so unfair but that's how the system works. they are always right. making empty promises and they are right. sure they do love us; but the process of doing so just hurts us much more. i feel like i'm going back to the rebellious days that i used to have. it's not much of a choice. i cant always go back home and face all the rantings and shits. don't worry i'm not going to kill myself. i will not want to rest in such vexed mood. i'm sick and tired of this world. bye.

how to save a life?

woah. just had the last paper for CT on thurs. that explains my hiatus in bloggin. well, overall quite okay with the tests other than POA. who to blame but myself for not studying hard enough for it, for slacking so much when i had one whole day to study for it. zz.. hopefully will not be penalised too much. ah it's over. should work harder for examination =/

so yea many things happened. my sis is now away in the philippines doing her voluntary work. had a heart-to-heart talk at the airport when sending her. its been quite long since i ever really talked to her. i'm also quite sad about it. its like this is the third consecutive year going there but its the first time i'm feeling so sad.
and adrian's going for his DB. duno what the shit that NS is about. 3years in camp and he cannot come out. the only way which i can communicate to him is through letter writing. like wtf?! its like a prisoner life in there. zz.. 3 fucking years and we can spend our brotherhood(including hong kiat) at the arena. like wtf?! sure i'll miss him. hopefully he does too.

okay. back to life. spent my time away at mind cafe with some of the lads after CT. seriously people, you all should try out mind cafe at boat quay there. seriously fun and enjoyable. and with the great company, endless laughters and brainless comments, you'll be in a hell out of good time. after that went to rod's house ton. supposed to be a movie marathon, in the end all went to sleep after the first movie. but we did something constructive before that. composed a song, well not exactly finished lah, but still its nice =) think a band is in the making, hopefully.....

and this ring another bell in my mind. i've decided to save up $$ to renovate my room and buy a drumset during my march holidays. yes i am. hopefully can save enough money eh? people pray hard for me.. hah!

18yrs

happy birthday to me. yea thx pple.

thank you tb11 for making my day. for giving me the 10bottles of oolong tea, be it big bottle or small bottle. for the cream puff bday cake. for the tumbling towers with lotsa words and wishes. for the half-sponsored zara shirt. for the havaianas braziliano praia. for the never ending surprises. for the unforgettable memories. for the time we spent tgt. this is one memorable and happy bday i ever spent. so happy and touched by all that you have done. its been long, in fact a looong long time since i really enjoyed my day. almost closed to tears..=D

thank you weishan, yirene, xiuli, joachim, weihuang, winni, seewah, lynn, natania, zhengjie, zhaoxuan,i kongaik, yanzhi, paul, jasmine tan, yaoguang, peizhen, teo weilong, aubrey lee, junquan, sijia, junxiong for wishing me happy bday. =D

thank you kaihong, qiaofang, ah ping jie and ah zuo for wishing me too. =D

thank you brother tan wei tao adrian. for being there for me be in when im down or high. for sharing man's greatest gifts and friends. for all the cans we drank, all the bottle we downed, all the supplies we had. for all the stories and conversations we shared. you are one true brother that i can never forget. thank you.

other than my bday.
thank you rv for believing me in. thank you ms ek, mrs look, mr desmond lim, ms serene teo, mrs fiona choy, mrs lee lee mui, xie lao shi, chen quan long lao shi, zhang mei li lao shi, guo tie auntie and many others who had made my life in rv memorable. for making me who i am now. thank you.


what a day. all the fun and joy i had. reminisce and fruitful talk with brother tan. =D what a happy day it is.

-.-Zzz

sorry people for neglecting my blog for sooo long. was kinda busy for past weeks over projects, especially wcom. gosh now its like 7.05am and i'm wide awake. quite an impossible task for me to be awake at such wee hours. hah! that's because i've been pia-ing through the night just for this wcom proj. now that it's over.. seriously it is JOY TO THE WORLD! =D okay not really. war and natural disaster still do happens. shits happen.

okay that aside. er-hem! people and friends out there. must know wad to do hor? tmr will be a great day. lol! k la.. keep on saying i also feel that i abit bhb liao. keyword: abit.

haha! hmm nothing really exciting happened recently. just went to watch happy feet. the penguins are so cute.. even i find them adorable and hard to resist. ohh.. the night before went to seng's hse ton. lmao.. shldnt reach there so early lah.. go there kena forfeit. i suck at bluff. honest boy like me shouldnt even be playing bluff. ahh wadever.. its over. lol.. den ya.. that's about my week le. coz of projs.. make me so sianz. -.-" and CT is coming just around the corner. double sianz.

oh and thx weishan for your bdae wish. have fun in china and rmb wad you promised for my bday present. LOL!